Pressure
The color of this day, in the natural, was very gray; it was dark and rainy. Usually, a day I would have described as comforting; however, this cloudy Monday was, for me, more like a swirl of color. A swirl of dark and bright colors, not very relaxing or comforting.
Today, I woke up knowing I had a very important test to pass. My class G license road test. It was scheduled for the afternoon, which left me with many many hours to distract myself from the anxious, nervous feelings that kept fighting for my attention. Of course I’d been practicing and studying for weeks now and felt fairy confident of my skills…but the unknown just doesn’t get less scary because you think you’re prepared to face it. My step father advised me not to spend time worrying because worrying is not a productive emotion…haha. I suppose he’s right but I wonder how that works, is there a switch to turn it off or something?
Anyway, I decided the most reasonable action I could take to counteract the lack of productivity was to declare victory over my test, over the road, and my vehicle on the road. In high school, I never liked to pray for good results if I hadn’t applied myself to studying in the first place… but I always prayed for help just the same… Today, I decided to declare victory over what I couldn’t do for myself… I could practice for myself and learn for myself but as I sat in my car preparing, I declared victory over what was out of my control… the traffic, the street lights, victory over my mind and concentration, over my vision, over my car, etc. It actually filled me with peace. And I don’t know what in all that worked, but I did indeed pass my test!
It did take me a couple hours to feel relief from all the stress that had built up to this date but once it cleared, life seemed happier. It’s amazing how much something can affect us, even when it’s stored away at the back of our minds. And we don’t realize it until something happens to change it…
