The “List”; Ramblings and Reflections
As a young Christian woman, I have heard much talk in the church throughout the years about the importance, and the sanctity of marriage. It is a hot topic; finding the right spouse seems to be the focus of young adulthood. To be bound in holy matrimony with the one who will reflect the goodness of Christ - who will love you as the bride is loved by her creator. It’s a beautiful hope and wonderful adventure to anticipate; but what’s the deal about the perfection?
You see, so many people refer this “List”. The introduction of the idea that one should write down everything they’ve envisioned their mate should be. I’ve never been quite sold on the idea. I’ve written the list, then burned it, rewritten it only to then rip it up, written it again only to have the embodiment of that list walk in and right back out of my life on multiple occasions… Y’all know what I’m talking about. What if the list thing is a fluke? Since when do we know what’s best for us anyways? Of course, we’re wired a certain way for a specific reason; however, there’s an element of reality missing to our puzzle when we write down the details of perfection on a piece of transformed wood and expect the next guy who walks into our life to have no flaws, no problems to deal with. Pretty unlikely.
Oh but wait, then we’re told that to attract what’s on our list, we must first become all of those things (you know, basically perfect)… and with that suggestion, we dare only take a glance at what we’ve written - we don’t stare to long at the requirements because we know they’re quite impossibly high. (don’t miss read, I’m not saying you shouldn’t have standards)…
The best sermon I’ve ever heard on the topic was a few years ago, while I was in Toronto. The speaker mentioned the “list” phenomena and challenged us to take a different approach. She suggested that we get rid of the list and sit down with a fresh piece of paper. This time, we should ask God for a list of non-negotiables: the specific things that must be present in someone to indicate that this other would be a good match. Well, I tried it, and it was the most liberating experience ever. You wanna know how long that non-negotiable list ended up being?? Three lines… Yup, three non-compromisable requirements. And they’re good ones too. Leave it to God to simplify our complicated human formulas!
IMPORTANT: My mom has always told me, in reference to relationships, to never settle for second best. And that will always stick with me. There is a best out there… but he’s not perfect because God knows, neither am I. For those who have a list, that’s great; maybe it’s what you need. But just remember, you wrote the list… maybe it’s not the best thing you could have coming. Maybe there’s a whole other flavor out there that you haven’t even heard of yet! Just saying…
